In the past two weeks I have really started to notice my body changing. My boobs have doubled in size (that has been changing since the beginning), my belly button has gone from a vertical oval to a horizontal oval, my belly has started expanding and is quite rounded, my thighs and butt have thickened, and my skin has gotten oilier. At some points I feel like this womanly curvy goddess, and other points I feel like I barely recognize myself and insecure in my changes. I know that my body is going to change a whole lot more during these next 6 months, and I know that it is completely natural and a part of the miracle that is pregnancy - but that doesn't mean that I am not allowed to feel emotional about these changes.
I have hovered around 100 pounds pretty much since I was 14 and honestly my body has not changed that drastically since then. Over the next 6 months I am most likely going to gain 20-25 pounds and my body is going to change dramatically. This is much needed for a healthy pregnancy - but it is hard to imagine at this point! Even with just the smaller changes that have happened so far I find it hard to look in the mirror and truly recognize myself.
As an emotional pregnant woman I am anxious about a lot of things - will my body ever look the same again? How will my relationship with my husband change? Am I ready to raise a child? Am I financially secure enough to support a baby? How will my career change? How will I balance motherhood with my freelance business? The list truly goes on and on. Sometimes I feel like it is taboo to even talk this way with people when you are pregnant - everyone just wants to say "isn't it wonderful" "how exciting" etc. And it is both of these things, but it is also crazy scary, and physically and emotionally jarring. The transformation is intense and every day it shakes me at my core.
I do have to admit though, that even with the discomfort of my body image, anxiety, and the pains of pregnancy - there is this weird peace and happiness that comes with being pregnant. Sometime even when I am so stressed I will just put my hands on my belly and think about my baby being in there and will start to feel an intense joy that is hard to describe. Just writing about it is making me cry! Maybe it is just the hormones!
Over the remaining half of my pregnancy I do hope to learn to love my body more and continue to embrace the incredible changes. But I also think it is ok to feel insecure at points and that as women we should be able to openly talk about all aspects of pregnancy - not just the good ones!
Thanks for reading :)