Sometimes I want to just shut out the world and hole up in a cabin by the ocean. Sometimes the world outside just feels like too much - war, tragedy, racism, class struggles, poverty, disease, rape, hungry children...there are just so many terrible things going on right outside my door. It seems easier sometimes to just not think about it and focus on my own little life.
But I know I can't, and more importantly that I shouldn't. I need to continue learning about the world - the good and the bad. I also need to take more of a part in repairing the world. I have stayed pretty silent about the recent events (police brutality, the riots in Ferguson, the marches in NYC, Oakland and beyond). I think mostly because I am insecure about not being articulate or knowledgable enough about the events and am afraid to take a stand. I have never been much of a protestor - even when living in DC, I only went to a few. I really admire the people that do take an active role and speak their mind. I am full of support, but for some reason unable to put my own foot forward - or open my own mouth in solidarity.
I love this quote from Simone de Beauvoir because she speaks to this exact feeling that you truly have to abandon comfort and your prior notions of certainty to seek truth - but that ultimately discovering the truth and fighting for the truth will reward you. I think in our blog/instagram/pinterest/consumer culture we tend to desire and promote all things comfortable and beautiful. I admit I am completely guilty of this. I love beautiful things - but I also feel deep sadness that my design/blog community is often so...vain...so curated...so not real.
I don't know right now what to do about this problem - I have to promote myself to continue getting business. I also have to be careful about how I present myself to continue getting business. But I hope that by writing posts like this and being a bit more outspoken I can be more real. And while of course that is not going to repair the world, at least it is a small step for me.
I want to do more things to help people: volunteer, do pro-bono work for non-profits I believe in. I think it is important to utilize our talents to help the world. I just need to get started. I need to ween myself off of this selfish/curated bubble and seek truth. Baby steps for now.